Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
