even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
