I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
