Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
