just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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