Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Can I color on your dick again?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
