to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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