If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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