Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
