Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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