he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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