i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
