gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize