what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
