I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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