I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw a hot homeless man
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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