If i come over, it means nothing
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
