We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
