She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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