Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
