Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
