so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
