i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's official drugs can't kill me
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
