I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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