just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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