your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize