So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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