I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
