First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
