i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
