he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
whose ass print is on the piano?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
