I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
