Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Pooping to opera.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
