even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
