I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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