I am spending my child support on dildos
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
