my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
