Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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