and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
