he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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