are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
