i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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