the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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