we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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