Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
