hotel room ftw
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
