If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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