If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
