he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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