why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
