I will die if light touches me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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