Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
