i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize