At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
