She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
