well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize