Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i think my cat just said my name.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
