If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
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