I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
