I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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