Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
