if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
