the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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