The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
