how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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