I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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