If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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